Many months have passed

So much time has gone by since my last posting and I think it is about time I head back to the blog.

What a wonderful spring and summer I was able to enjoy. Gardens blooming and sun shining. Blessings all around. So much life and plenty of Surrender.

Most of my time was taken up in preparing for and hosting a 50th birthday party for myself on August 8th. It was a grand time and loads of fun all the way around. I am Surrendered and thrilled with this new and wonderful half century mark to my life. I feel wise and content. It is a beautiful feeling. I feel no need to struggle or become anything new. I am ready to ride the waves of life with my oars completely out of the water, gliding and watching the beauty that abounds in each moment.

It feels that for the past 12 or so years, although I have certainly been living, that I have also struggled tremendously to acquire a state of mind that I saw as somewhere other than where I was. If I have learned anything from these so called "stories of struggle", I have learned this, all they are, are stories. Did I say how blessed I am? Blessed mostly because I have learned this bit about life.

I have also returned to another love of mine, which is cooking and started a blog about that. Now that the winter months are approaching fast and the gentle fires of the hearth warm me, I hope to spend a bit more time in the kitchen. Garden has been put to rest and my soul yearns for nice warm, comforting food to nourish my days and nights.

With a deep breath in, contentedness fills my body.

I am Surrendered.
I Surrender This.

Arms wide open in Surrender

SURRENDER

On Friday I was on an internet radio show called Synchronicity with Marie Benard.

Here is a link to the show; Lisa Speaking on Surrender

We spoke about how I came to Surrender and what it means as a women to Surrender. It is often hard for me to find my voice when speaking of Surrender. I know what it feels like and yet have a hard time putting that feeling into words. I admire people who can do that with something they are passionate about. I am working on it.

I recently found this wonderful little bit of insight on Surrender written by Shakti Gawain. It is all I know and believe and hope to live up to.

Shakti Gawain says that our life journey is "a process that flourishes in a spirit of acceptance, compassion and adventure." We might try on some new perspectives:

• Let go of our need to figure everything out.
  


• Let go of our need to control.
  


• Let go of our need to be right.
  


• Go with the flow.
  


• Detach and observe.
  


• Accept rather than resist.
  


• Take life and ourselves less seriously.
  


• Trust - ourselves and life. Have faith.
  


• Open and love and laugh more.
  

The more convoluted our thinking, the more we're trapped in our minds. The more we're trapped in our heads, the less present we are to reality. Life is really too much for the ego. And when life brings the ego to its knees in surrender, the intuitive heart can step forward. When we connect with our hearts, we discover a part of us that is all-knowing. A part of us we can learn to trust. So take heart! As we continue to grow in consciousness, we increasingly see the bigger picture of life. We see more and more evidence of a higher power, of universal laws at work. We do begin to see clearly. And we gain the security to let go.

The Green Donkey

I thought this story was worth posting again. I love you Karen!

This is the true story of what Deepak Chopra would call a "Whopper". Something so touched with the hand of God that it seems almost impossible to believe, and yet, there can be no doubt to those of us that are believers!

My best friend died on May 15, 2004 from breast cancer at the age of 45 after a 10 year battle with HER-2 Breast Cancer. We had spent 40 years weaving the fabric of our lives together in a dance that was just magical. Ours is a long story of love and friendship. It is hard to relay in a few words the significance of this miracle, but I will try.

We were both Transformational Healers, which is a form of energy healing …or laying on of hands. We work as conduits for God to work through us and ignite the healing that we all are capable of. She became interested in this because of her cancer and I was always searching for new spiritual avenues and she led me to it like a horse (donkey) to water. (Another whole whopper of a story!) Anyway.....

In the spring of 2002 Karen began having massive head aches and was feeling “"weird”". We were headed off for a little R & R weekend in New York state and having a grand time …just the two of us tooling around in the car. She became very serious at one point and told me she thought her chemotherapy may be causing these "weird" symptoms and she was struggling as to whether or not to go off the chemo and just let God work. I told her this was a HUGE decision and one not to be taken lightly. I am a big believer in asking God to give us a sign when we need an answer to an important question. Because this was a VERY important question, I told her she needed to ask for a sign that would be unquestionable. Something so “strange” that it could only be seen as a "sign" from God. I then said, "How about a green donkey"? She giggled and agreed that a green donkey would be the sign she needed to let God heal her rather than continue on the chemotherapy. The whole rest of the weekend we searched for a green donkey. We found yellow pigs and purple cows, red dogs and even a green horse...how we tried to rationalize that a horse is almost a donkey, but we knew it had to be a "Green Donkey". We spent the next afternoon in Woodstock, NY going through every store searching for her sign, but never found a green donkey.

A week later the headaches she was experiencing became much worse and she called her doctor and he scheduled an MRI . During this same week …her father passed away from Alzheimer’s. It was a heartbreak to her very close knit family but had been expected. On the morning of his funeral… she received a phone call from her oncologist that he had the results of her MRI and the cancer had spread to her brain, thus the headaches and "weird" feelings. She went through the whole day of her fathers funeral …and told no one except her husband what she had found out that morning. She had courage beyond human strength. She made it through brain surgery, massive radiation… and lived two more years. She passed on May 15, 2004 surrounded by her whole family.

What follows is what I said at her memorial service (which 700 people attended)...notice the part about the “green donkey” toward the end.

I have had the pleasure of knowing Karen for over 40 years and calling her one of my best and dearest friends. But I know I am just one of countless best friends that Karen had…there was something about her that just made you want to be close to her and know her better. It reminds me of the song by the Carpenters.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

To Karen’s family…she was a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a cousin…but for the vast majority of us here today….she was our friend. A friend of the truest sense…one that was there for each of us no matter what was going on in HER life. Remarkable, selfless, trustworthy, sincere, kind, compassionate, spiritual, beautiful are words that can only begin to describe Karen.

Besides being a friend…Karen was a teacher…she taught me more about strength and courage than I ever wanted to know. When my son deployed to Afghanistan in Oct, she came to me one day like an angel sent from the Lord…. She held me and cried with me and instilled in me the Power of Now and gave me strength that I did not know I had. If I can take one tenth of her strength and live the rest of my life than I will be happy.

I will miss her human presence more than I can even imagine at this time... her spirit while she was on this Earth was immeasurable. What I look forward to from this day forward is how she will guide, love, and watch over each of us in her new found strength in SPIRIT.

And so I say to you my dear Karen…Godspeed to you on this new journey you have undertaken. I know Daddy was holding your green donkey… and that now you know all the Divine Order that is so hard for us to understand here on Earth. I giggle at the thought of our next life together and I ask you Sister Karen to hold down the abbey until I get there.

When I returned home from her service, there was a message on my answering machine from my son Quinn, who was in Afghanistan, serving in the US Army. He had NEVER, EVER called during the week since his deployment in Oct. of 2003. This happened to be a Tuesday night. This in and of itself spoke volumes to me…. I was sad I had missed his call, but I knew he was OK and surely sending me some love from afar, even though he did not know of Karen's death yet (at least on the physical plane). Karen had given me extreme comfort about Quinn's deployment and the first thing she said to me whenever we spoke was, "How is Quinn doing?"

The phone rang again around 2:30 this same evening and again it was Quinn. What a joy to hear his voice. We spoke for about 20 minutes and during the conversation he mentioned that his best buddy had put new pictures up on a website of them in Afghanistan. I tucked this info into my mind to take a look the next day. I had only seen two photos of him since his deployment almost 7 months earlier.

The next morning I went with Karen's family to a private burial and then spent the rest of the day with her family. I arrived home around 4:00 and read some e-mails and then remembered I had to check out the pictures of Quinn. This is now 5 days since her passing. There was a folder named "the Month of May". I opened this and started looking for pictures of Quinn. There were around 20 new photos. Mid way down the page I noticed that one picture was titled "Donkey". In the small picture format it looked more like a green tree. I opened the picture to its full size and almost fell to the floor, for there sent from a war torn country by an American soldier was Karen's sign that she had been healed. Not on this Earth, but alas in heaven. It was a picture of a donkey with a bundle of GREEN branches tied around it. She knew that if she involved Quinn in getting this sign to me, that she would be successful. I would NEVER not look at these pictures. This is SO Karen.

Karen left behind 3 children, a husband, 4 siblings and her mom, besides the countless, countless people she touched while here. The news of this Green Donkey gave peace to her family and our community. I feel her presence with me always and thank her for her continued caring and love. I know she is still with us and just around the corner...so to speak.

Blessings to all that read this story and please pass this on as a sign of faith and healing for the world.

www.isurrenderthis.com





Lisa Sullivan

The time is now

This past weekend I was contacted by a man in South Africa whose passion is also to surrender. Surrender to M.A.D.E. M.A.D.E. is an acronym for Make A Difference Everyday.

We have had a couple of wonderful conversations and are determined to bring the blessing of surrender to the world. Carl's focus is on world peace and my focus is on inner peace. Inner peace leads to world peace and world peace leads to inner peace. There is no failing and peace WILL prevail of that I am sure.

I wonder how many others out there are passionate about the concept of surrender? What are your thoughts? How do you fulfill the need or want for inner peace? Do you need or want it at all?

I know for myself that inner peace is a quest I will always be manifesting.

The Monster Under the Bed

Yesterday I took some time to go back and read this blog from the beginning. It brought back so many thoughts and feelings. Many ups and downs and joys and sorrows. It seems that my fears about Quinn have now faded into a landscape of my mind that I no longer report to and that is a huge relief. So much of my energy in the past 6 years has been concentrated on his safety and well being and I am thankful that all is well.

Most of you know about Quinn and his journey but today I would like to tell you about my other child, Molly, and the work she is doing to reach and help young children on the autism spectrum.

Molly works at a special school in Portland, Maine called The Reach School. She took the job two days after her brother Quinns heart attack. On the day of her interview the director said she wanted Molly to meet the little boy she would be teaching. His name was Quinn. Serendipity at its best!!! Thank you Universe.

This past Halloween molly who is amazing in her talent at creative thought and art, dressed up as: The Monster Under the Bed. As her mother, I was amazed at her ingenuity in creating this persona and it served as a great revelation at the time to me and I would like to share that revelation with you here.

Around the time of Halloween, I was going through a very rough patch which I spoke about in a post a few weeks ago. This is the time I sought psychological help, acupuncture and the time I read the book Loving What Is by Byron Katie. When Molly posted the photos of herself dressed as The Monster Under the Bed, it occurred to me like a slap across the face, or a two by four to the head, that WE are our own Monster Under the Bed. Our thoughts are the monster and just like the not-real monster under the bed that we all can remember being afraid of as young children, our thoughts are no more real than the aforementioned monster. What a revelation!

To rid ourselves of the monster thoughts that we create within our troubled mind all we need to do is look at them for what they are. Remember as a child when your parent or caregiver would come to your bedside when you cried for help, "There's a monster under the bed". The parent would get down on their knees and look under the bed and say, "No monster, sweetheart. There is nothing to be afraid of" and with another kiss goodnight we would fall back to sleep. Sweet relief...no monster.

The Monster Under the bed....is not real...and neither are the negative thoughts of mind chatter that incessantly tell you that you are in some sort of harms way. You are not. The monster under the bed is YOU and YOUR thoughts and this is something you have control over once you see it for what it is. Next time you have a negative thought looping through your mind please recall the photo up above and see the smiling face of Molly. Let her loving face replace your negative thought with a giggle. She would love that.

Thank you Molly for being the bright light and teacher that you are. Thank you for reinforcing this concept for me. And please take a look at the work Molly does on behalf of pre-schoolers on the autism spectrum http://www.firstgiving.com/mollysullivan and donate some money if you feel inspired.

Musings on humanity

I have been doing lots of reading since the first of the year. Reading is one of my true passions and it is not unusual that I have 2-3 books that I am reading at the same time. When I leave the library I am often overloaded with more books than I can hold.

I love going to libraries and grew up and raised my children in the town of Norfolk, Connecticut which has one of the most glorious libraries on earth. Truly, see for yourself. http://www.norfolklibrary.org/. And even though this is a nice website it does nothing for the intimate welcome one receives upon arrival. In winter there might be a fire you can cozy up next to and read your favorite magazine or a long time friend also there to chat awhile with. I raised my children across the street from this library and would often take them over to get a slew of childrens' books each week. How I loved reading to them

Ah, I have digressed.

The books I have been reading lately are books of how the human spirit can soar to new heights when put to the test.

The Long Walk: The True Story of a Trek to Freedom (Paperback)

Breakfast at Sally's: one homeless mans inspirational journey

Love Greg and Lauren

My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey (Paperback)

My Lobotomy

These books, each have given me great insight into not only myself but the human race as a whole. How magnificent we are. The two I am reading now are Love Greg and Lauren and My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey (Paperback) Love Greg and Lauren is the true story of a women who was burned over 82.5 % of her body as a fireball came out of the elevator shaft of tower one on September 11. Yesterday as I was reading I took utter and complete awe over this organ called skin. I looked down at my own skin and thanked it profoundly for all it does to keep me alive and whole. How magnificent it is and how taken advantage and for granted it is by most of us. I slathered it with cream and implored it to keep on working just the way it has.

On my way to work yesterday, just after worshiping my skin, I was listening to the book on CD of My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey (Paperback). It is read by the author herself whose voice is very distinctive and which I have learned to just love. I could just reach through the CD player and envelope this woman with love. It is the story of how this brain scientist watched on a certain level as she herself experienced a fairly massive stroke to the left side of her brain.

When the left side of the brain is shut down, the language center does not work and the negative mind chatter which can haunt many of us is gone. Poof. Gone. What is left is the right side thinking which is open minded, filled with love, and as expansive as the whole universe. There is peace on the right-side of the brain.

She has taught me so much about why I behave the way I do (I am very right brained) and this has given me a renewed sense that I am perfect just the way I am. Although I am right brain dominant, this does not mean I don't have the mind chatter and linear thinking that goes along with the left side. Without the left side working properly, this blog would not exist. It is our source of language. But she teaches us that this voice of chatter, which goes between being our fairy godmother and the wicked witch of the west, can be silenced through choice. This has only reinforced for me the teachings of Byron Katie and the process she calls The Work.

As I listened to her story, again I was filled with wonder for another organ of our body, the brain. Again magnificent. Again in awe. Dr. Jill was saying she no longer spends time in worry. " Life is just to short and precious to spend time in this activity". I smiled as she said this and agreed whole heartily. Not one minute had gone by when I passed a house and with a car in the driveway with a bumper sticker that said "Life is Precious". Now I know this bumper sticker was speaking about "unborn" life...but I could not help but see perfect synchronicity in this moment.

Ahhh...life is good....life is precious. Thank you skin and thank you brain.

New horizens...letting go of thoughts

Everyday is a new chance to live a life held in the hand of the Universe. What a joy it is for me to know that no matter what, life goes on and the world keeps spinning. The small trivial things that upset me and try to take me off course are nothing real. They are just my mind weaving a story. Each time I find myself stuck in the thoughts of, "Why should I?", "Why did this happen?", "What is my purpose?", I am now able to remind myself that this is just some neurons in my brain in the continual loop of "mind chatter".

Yesterday I received the news that I will be able to go see Byron Katie for free in April when she comes to New York City. Her work along with some other great teachers such as Eckhart Tolle and Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor are giving new meaning to the act of Surrender for me.

It has all become so simple to me. My mind starts up on its rant...and I turn it off. Nothing more to it. I will no longer be held captive to this part of my brain that wants to keep running the negative thoughts over and over. Doing this has left me with more time to truly live and enjoy what is happening in the present moment.

What a journey. I am so amazed at how the path keeps opening new and wonderful horizons for me.

A must see video

February 4

To Surrender, at its core is passive,
but to get to the place where we can Surrender we must make an active choice.

To be Surrendered, or not to be.

It can often be a confusing choice especially in a world where
we are constantly asked to be in control.

The only control you really need though is your desire to turn it all
over to the Power that created all there is.

Every part of nature does it.
Why not us?

Choose wisely and feel the immense peace that passes all understanding.

Welcoming in the new year with a completely new way of being.

All I can say is WOW. What a journey this life is.

Since last writing in September I feel as though I have been so busy that I have not had a moment to even think. However during this same time my life has transformed in ways I could only have imagined and did imagine for years. I believe the most significant change came when I was most needy and ready to receive.

For myself, I feel as though the "crisis" is finally over and I have never, since being a little girl, felt so at peace. Now I know you are saying, "Please Lisa tell us what has caused this grand transformation? Share with us your insight. Give us some hope."

And so I shall.

It all began or ended in late October. The anniversary of my son's heart attack sent me right over the edge. I just could not stop thinking about how this could have happened in his life. Why his heart? Why him? Yada yada yada. I was doing all I could to Surrender these thoughts but just felt stuck within them despite all my knowledge about how to do this. At the same time I was teaching a class called 60 Days to Surrender Success and it was helping me to stay afloat just above the surface. As the days of October went by I could not find a chance to see my son and I needed to see him, feel his strong hug and confirm to myself that he was really doing as well as he told me he was. But days and weeks went by and we could just not get our schedules
to connect.

As I continued to despair I finally knew I needed to take some more action so I sought out a therapist, acupuncture and some Bach Flower essence to help me through this time.

I began in earnest using all of these therapies and felt that I was at the very least taking some action that would hopefully help me change the way I was thinking. My therapist was lovely and sweet, certainly concerned with how I was feeling and mentioned that she thought I was suffering Post Traumatic Stress. That felt OK, but it did not address how I was to manage these thoughts. On the way home from my second appointment with her I stopped at the local library and went to the self-help section. My eyes stopped on a title Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life and I pulled it from the shelf. I had read this book at another time and it did not resonate with me, but I put it in my bag and checked it out along with another book by Byron Katie A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are

I began to read the book that night and it made sense to me. My mind had been lost and focused in the negative happenings in Quinn's life instead of focused on the great achievements he has made. What is it about the mind that tends to focus on the negative and fear and looks at the positive and just run of the mill as not as significant as the so called negative? My son's life had been filled with great achievements and he had time and again taken any negative moments and dealt with them with honor, dignity and courage. What I came to realize is that it was not the negative moments, the real factual moments of his life that stressed me. It was the story I was telling about them and the meaning I was giving to them that caused me the intense stress. This was a revelation!

But the lesson was not complete. I guess Spirit decided I needed a little reinforcement to really force this new way of thinking into my head. It was November 2, the day before the election and I finally was able to see Quinn. He came to my house to pick up some of his army gear to add to a survival/emergency kit he was making. I strolled out with him to our barn where he had stored boxes of gear that he had bought while in the military. I watched him go through this stuff with awe and disbelief. He had Ghillie suits and HAZMAT gear. He pulled out an Afghan hat that he told me he used when he was "undercover" in Afghanistan. He had medical equipment and books on survival. It went on and on and the whole time he regaled me with stories of his experiences and why and how each piece of equipment was used.

He came in the house and sat with me for over an hour, we laughed and spent the time I needed to see that, yes he really was doing great. Later on that evening I went to bed and pulled the other book by Byron Katie A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are and started to read. The significance of what I read will stay with me forever along with the way God chose to drill these new thoughts into my mind and brain. I skimmed through the book to see if anything felt relevant to me and there was a dialog with a women who feared for her adult children's lives. She had no real reason to have these feeling, but they were with her none the less.

Katie started "The Work" on her. The Work consists of asking yourself four questions to any negative thought or feeling you are having.

1) Is it true?

2) Can you absolutely know that it is true?

3) How do you feel when you think that thought?

4) What would your life be like without that thought?

As Katie dialoged with this women much if not all of what she was feeling about her children reflected my own thoughts. It was as if I was listening to myself. I could have spoken the same words. Finally Katie says to her," So you are afraid your children do not have the survival skills to live" and in that moment I started to laugh. I laughed until I cried. I laughed for so long, my husband thought I was going nuts. Every time I stopped laughing the words," So you are afraid your children do not have the survival skills to live" would pop in my head and I would begin to laugh again.

Why was I finding this so funny? Because I have a son who has more survival skills than anyone I know. I mean this child has true survival skills and has survived circumstances that I can't even begin to imagine. At 24 years of age, it is safe to say he has seen more and done more than anyone else I know. What the heck was I doing worrying about him?

One other piece of what Katie wrote about clinched a forever change of mind for me. She says there are three kinds of business.

My business.

Your business.

God's business.

She further says that the only business anyone should worry or care about is your own business. God's business were things like natural disasters and health and death worries. There it was, the evidence I needed to stop my constant worry about my son's health. It was not my business. I was in God's business and Quinn's business. He was an adult and had manage to survive oh so much, from boot camp to airborne school to ranger training. He had survived a 10 month tour in Afghanistan as part of a scout/sniper team. He had survived a 50 foot fall out of a helicopter and his body temperature falling to 93 degrees and developing hypothermia. He had survived a tour with Special Ops in Iraq going door to door looking for hostages during the time when Iraq was having their first free election since our takeover. And most recently he had survived a massive heart attack. This child is a survivor! Pure and simple!

It has now been over 2 months since these revelations and a change in my thought process and I am pleased to say that the peace has stayed with me throughout.

If you would like to join me in doing the work, there is a link in the right hand side bar. Sometimes a change in thinking just clicks as it did for me. Who knows maybe The Work will click for you.