Thursday, May 15, 2008

I will always love you, Karen

Today marks 4 years since the passing of one of my best friends, Karen Satherlie Davidson.
I feel her presence so often in my life and can still hear her laughter and be touched by her constant caring. She is never far away.
When Quinn was in the intensive care unit, I could see her sitting on the side of his bed. I know she held his hand in the helicopter and I know she watches over so many that she loved her on Earth.
What a powerful and loving woman she was. Bright, beautiful and filled with passion.
I love you Karen, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

A Success

So, 7 days after writing this, Quinn received the phone call we have waited 7 months for.

Come back to work!!!!!

As I was writing this blog, he called to tell me about his first day "out on the streets". He loved it. Quinn loves to help people and he loves to feel he is also protecting people. It is a perfect job for him at this point in his life. I could hear the joy in his voice. My prayers have been answered.

Being Surrendered, letting go of the how's, it works.

Here is a post from another blog of mine;

People talk of unwavering hope, trust, faith, optimism and Surrender. Easy to talk about and often hard to walk the walk.

I have a son who is a vision of walking the walk and I am so proud of him. On October 9 this past year he had a massive heart attack while he was in the last few days of training to become a police officer. He was second in his class of 50 and looking forward to being on duty the following week. He was only 23 years old and had already spent 4 years in the military with 2 deployments.

Yes, he is a warrior...but a warrior of the highest kind...he is the one you would want by your side in an emergency. The one fighting for you and your loved ones. He has passion and a light that shines brightly. Of course he is my child and I love him dearly, so I may be somewhat biased.

A few days after his heart attack his doctor came into his room and when my son asked when he could go back to work he was told (in the doctors opinion) he would never be a police officer. He had just spent a year of his life in training and was not at all pleased with this comment. He pushed on!!!

He was released from the hospital and soon told he was testing positive for an auto-immune disease called Anti-phospholipid antibody syndrome and it would require a blood thinning medication for the rest of his life. This would be a deal breaker (if true) to ever being a police officer. But he held onto hope, trust, faith, optimism and was Surrendered to the perfect outcome for all.3 months later when tested again, he was negative for the anitbodies and subsequent tests again were negative.

Many specialists and tests later, he was taken off the blood thinners (deal back on) and again he pushed on. Finally when he thought the end of this ordeal was soon to be over he was asked to take a nuclear stress test to see the extent of the damage to his heart. Although the test showed damage, he passed this test with flying colors.

He called his doctor and asked for an immediate return to work order. Weeks went by, phone calls made. Nothing. Finally a return to work order was sent to his lawyer to be sent to the police department. It was not good news. The doctor again showed negativity and said he could not promise he would not have another heart attack. My son would require monitoring and health checkups (OMG not another deal breaker)...but my son held onto hope, trust, faith, optimism and Surrender. What will be will be and it is in God's hands now.

This week, 7 months since his heart attack, he recieved a phone call from the captain of his police department. "Could you be here Monday morning for duty?"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can!!!!!!!!!!!! I Am filled with hope, trust, faith, optimism. I have Surrendered and the time is now.

In my world, none of it ever would have happened. EVER. When he had the heart attack I had already spent years manifesting a wonderful life for him. I was heart broken myself. I remember while he was in the hospital the pain in my own heart was palpable...his was somewhat broken and mine was breaking for his! But through it all we have both held onto our belief that we are never alone, that we are on purpose, and that God is watching over and caring for this situation.We both have held onto hope, trust, faith, optimism and remained Surrendered to the perfect outcome.

It was sometimes hard not knowing how this would resolve. Would he ever work again? Would his health remain stable? Of course there were moments and days where we each had to dig deep to find these qualities. There were moments when I felt abandon by God only to have Him reach down and hold me in His arms and reassure me that 'all was well'. But every moment that I look at my son, I look with pure awe at what he has endured at such a young age. He has Powerful Intentions and he is manifesting them each moment.

We may never in this life know the reason for his heart attack. The medical community has no answers. All we can do is have hope in a bright future for him, keep the faith even when things don't appear to be going the way we want, trust that there was a reason and he is cared for always, and to let our optimism shine brightly for others to see. I am blessed beyond measure and I am always Surrendered.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Day 1 2008

Since I wrote this course, I have done this many times...I still have all of the days worth of lessons from a couple of years ago and it is amazing to see how the Universe has helped and changed each of my fears. When I first wrote the course, my son was serving in Afghansitan and money was a huge issue. The second time I did it, he was in Iraq and we had moved and money was flowing. I did it again last summer and it was a whirlwind of change. Whew it was one heck of a ride.

Soon after finishing it and going through some real trying times, I came to a place of bliss. Amazing peace and bliss. The next day, my 23 year old son (the same son) had a massive heart attack.

The Surrendering I have done in the past 7 months has been amazing. I am blessed to be able to let God handle my life. I trust the Infinite. I continue to be a work in progress.

So...starting again.

1) Fears.
Still human. Still have fears come up.

AND THE THEME IS (drum roll)...HELLO?

OK, so I need to rethink this. I was about to write something and realize that it is not really a fear. I am over it for the most part. I don't even want to put it in is a hint. When your healthy 23 year old son has a heart attack that still has no known cause, it can rock your world. It sets you wondering how something so unexpected can happen to a healthy person. Your mind (that loud voice of negativity) says, "What makes you think it could not happen again?". ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgrrrrrrrrrr. I really dislike the voice.

But when I sit down and really go over the journey of this child, it is beyond amazing to know how protected and cared for he has been, despite all he has been through. And this has become my focus rather than the fear of losing him.

I HAVE healed much of my fear. Circumstances have allowed me to really meet this fear straight on in the face. I am blessed. What a journey it has been.

So back to square one.

I guess a fear I have or something that challenges me and I would like to retire to God's hand is my feelings of not stepping out and being all I can be. My fear of rejection or being disliked for putting my thoughts and feelings out in the world.

I would like to touch people with the message of my journey, and fear I will step in my own way of achieving this.

I am here to help and I say this loud and clear so anyone listening will ask.

This is my voice, these are my intentions, my desires, my will. I ask that I align myself with Source to allow them to materialize in this world.

I Surrender This...