Floating downstream

Over the course of the past few weeks, I have come here to write on the blog. But each time I did, my emotions took over, and what I wrote was not from the place of Surrender. It was coming from the heart of a mother whose heart and mind were still in the place of fear. I want very much to chronicle the many miracles and beautiful moments of the past month, for there have been many. I have found my place of peace. I am Surrendered. What a journey it has been. I also feel that Quinn deserves privacy and not his whole life spilled over a blog, and I am going to respect that and tell my story rather than his.

Quinn is doing well and "on the mend". It will be awhile before he feels the way he did before the heart attack and he may never feel exactly the same. He is forever changed.

Today I want to start sharing the many small miracles that I was a witness to during this event.

Where was I mentally when this all happened? The weekend before his heart attack was Columbus Day weekend. It was absolutely spectacular weather wise here in new england. My sister Patti http://www.pattisinclair.com/ had held a weekend retreat at an amazing home that our two husbands built in 2000-2002 http://www.roughlandfarm.com/. We are married to two brothers!!!!

On Sunday night after the retreat was over, Patti invited many friends and family over to celebrate her oldest childs' sixteenth birthday. Quinn and his girlfriend Kelly came over to help celebrate. He looked fabulous, glowing, smiling and ready to complete the last week of his 22 week course at the police academy. A special friend of my sisters who had been at the retreat stayed to share the festivities. She met Quinn for the first time and although I was not in the room when they met, she told me later she put his face in her hands and told him how handsome he was. She told him how she prayed for him while he was deployed.

Later on that same evening Quinn's girlfriends mother and stepfather and sister also came over to see this spectacular estate. Quinn worked in the building of it doing "slave labor" when he was in highschool and he wanted to share it with them. We all had a fun time sharing the night and the gift of our family and friends together. I was SO content. Really content. Glowing myself.

The next morning, Monday, I went over to the house again to swim in the pool and enjoy the sauna and hot tub. I remember clearly swimming in the pool as the glorious autumn sun gleamed in on me and the leaves outside shown in their amazing brilliant colors. I spoke outloud to my sister that "I have not felt this content and happy in years". For me, I felt that life, just around the corner, was finally going to give me peace. Life does not give you peace. It must always come from within and not from outward circumstances. This is THE message. For my outward world was soon to change dramatically.

On Tuesday morning I was reading e-mails and getting ready for work. I had just recently reunited with an old friend after 33 years. We had been e-mailing back and forth for a few days. That morning I had recieved an email from him telling me much about his life for the past 33 years. I again was content and filled with wonder at how much fun the Universe holds, and then the phone rang. It was 2:14 10/9/07. It was Midstate Memorial Hospital in Meridan Connectictut. The phone showed that it was an "out of area" call and I thought twice about answering it. The phone call was to tell me that they had Quinn with them and he was being transported to Hartford Hospital. I was still quite calm and not fully understanding what was going on. I thought he must have injured himself at the police academy and needed further treatment. It was when I asked them how long the ambulance was going to take to get him from Midstate to Hartford that the reality hit. It was then they told me he was "in the middle of a major cardiac event" and was being taken by LifeStar Helicopter. There are no words to express how I felt upon hearing this. I basically dropped the phone and started running for the car. Every person I tried to call did not answer their phone. I was shaking and screaming out to God for help. I live over an hour and a half from Hartford and wanted to just fly there. I finally reached my parents and in 30 seconds asked them to get to Hartford Hospital ASAP. In the mean time Quinn had actually called Kelly and had spoken with her. He remained awake and talking through the entire event.

I still did not know that she (Kelly) knew and I just started driving to Hartford. When I reached Norfolk I planned on stopping at Quinn's house to try and find Kelly. When I rounded the corner near their home I saw my brother-in-law and sister-in-law pulled over on the side of the road waiting for me. They told me Kelly was in another town and where I could meet her. It was all so very sureal. On the ride to the next town, I repeatedly tried to reach Quinn's dad. I did not know his phone number and numerous attempts with the phone company did not yield much. I recieved a call from my sister telling me that her husband Michael was right behind me on the road and he was going to drive me and Kelly once we reached the next town. No one thought I was fit to drive. I wonder why?

It was absolutely the longest car ride of my life. But here is one of the miracles. Our friend Marie, the one who Quinn met for the first time on Sunday and who told him how handsome he is, well she is a Rieki volunteer at Hartford Hospital and she just happens to work on Tuesdays. Hmmmm!! She also always turns her cell phone off while she is working, but on this day she had it on.

Marie speaking now: Everytime I hear the whirl of the LifeStar Helicopter I pause and pray for the person inside and for their family. I send them love and Rieki energy.

Marie heard Lifestar and paused and did her thing and minutes later she recieved a call from my sister telling her Quinn was on his way to Hartford by LifeStar. Maries answer was that it had just landed. For Marie it was beyond her comprehension to believe that the person she had just prayed for and sent loving energy to was the handsome, glowing man she had met two days before. What an angel she was/is.

I continued on the long drive and now recieved a call from my sister telling me that Marie was there. That LifeStar had landed. That Marie was standing outside the operating room holding the space for Quinn. This still makes be so very emotional and filled with gratitude.

I really had no clue what was going on with Quinn. I knew it was his heart, but had no idea what acutally was wrong. No where in my mind was I thinking heart attack. When I was about 15 minutes from the hospital I was able to speak with a nurse who was with Quinn. She told me he was still in surgery and had just had a stent put in and had had a 100% blockage to his main artery. Holy mother of God! She told me he was doing well and where to go when I got to the hospital.

When I arrived in the Cath Lab I was met by my parents and Marie. Just to finally be there took a weight off my shoulders. I was also in constant contact with my daughter Molly who had just moved to Portland, Maine and she told me that psychically she was with Quinn in the helicopter and was still with him.

God was good to us that day. Quinn was strong and couragous and held on. I am forever grateful for the miracles of that day. For the people that work in the healthfield and saved his life. For the caring nurses and caregivers. For my family. For Quinn.