I Surrender This

The 'I Surrender This' flag is a sacred container devoted to God. You choose what it is, write things you're concerned about or grateful for on paper and place them in the flag, turning them over to Spirit. It's a process that powerfully reinforces and supports the act of surrender. 

A Beautifully Sculpted Hand in your choice of a bronze finish or healing green  for you to decorate to your liking

Hardwood flag pole in a cherry finish topped with a solid brass finial

Flag made from 100% organic cotton Canvas

Pad of 50 sheets of paper inscribed with “I Surrender This…” 

across the top and printed on 100% post consumer paper

A Keepsake box into which you can place larger objects that may need Surrendering or as a place to put your writings once your prayers have been answered.

A book that explains in detail how to Surrender. 

$24.95 plus S & H colors

healing green bronze Option 3

Surrendered for this day

I have been on this journey of Surrender for almost seven years now. There are days when I feel like a baby taking its first step and other days when I feel as though I have reached a certain state of Surrender that feels promising and hopeful.

One thing I do know for certain is that I am a different person than I was seven years ago. I have grown with the challenges and feel more grounded and light in Spirit than I was.

Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. I was enduring the days of my life back then. Worrying about what the next day might bring. Now more than 2555 days have passed and I can truly say that all is well. I have healed and am healing still. It is said that the,"mind is a terrible thing to waste." I say, "days are a terrible thing to waste because your mind is filled with fear".

What tomorrow brings I do not know. I live Surrendered for this day.

Ohhh Child

It has been more months since posting on this blog. I have struggled over the winter with anxiety and some blues but have come to the point in my life where I know it will pass. I just deplore the anxiety though.

Quinn had an incident this winter where he got a severe headache and with his past history thought it could possibly be a stroke. So he called the ambulance. After a CAT scan, lumbar puncture and blood work, and a couple of shots of morphine, it was deemed a severe migraine. Poor guy then had a reaction to the morphine and was sick the entire next day. I went over to be his mother and do what I could to nurse him.

This incident set my anxiety into a full blown fear. I was a mess for a few days. For all of us that love Quinn, it is hard to imagine that he has had a heart attack at such a young age, but it is always in the back of our minds. It is scary.

So, a few weeks after this, when he told me he was trying out for the SWAT team for his city, I gulped. But no matter what I always stand behind him cheering him on. He is amazing in his fortitude. He told me he had started working out and getting ready for the physical tests that he would be put through in order to get on the team. I was happy for this. He needs to get aerobic exercise for his heart.

The day before his PT test he called me to tell me he had done very well on the oral and written part of the test. He also shared that he was a bit nervous about the PT test, as he had been taking a PT test at the police academy when he had his heart attack. And with that, my anxiety rose, although I did my best to stay calm and tell him he would be just fine. He said he knew he would be fine and that it was just a mental game for him.

I prayed all night. I asked all that loved him to pray for him. He wanted to get on the SWAT team more than anything. With all he did while in the military he was well suited for this. He would be an asset to any team.

I also begged (yes I begged) God for a sign that all was well.

When I am anxious and awaiting news I am all but worthless. I got nothing done that day other than checking in on Facebook a couple of times and reading a book. It was an absolutely beautiful day. 65 degrees on April 1st is something to write home about. The sky was blue and the air felt so wonderful.

In the early afternoon I came inside and checked my e-mail and looked on FB. A friend had written this on my page:

Just was thinking of you as I heard "ooooh child" on the Muzak at work ... now that song always makes me smile and think of you! Love you, Lassie! xoxo ♥

I started crying immediately. There is NO other sign bigger than this (unless Katurah made a presence again). Here is my response:

Lisa Sullivan In a million years you could never know what this post means to me.

I received the call late in the afternoon from Quinn telling me he had been chosen for the team. The joy in his voice was palpable and the smile on mine was wider than the sky.

The next day I felt as though I could get back to my life, although in talking with Quinn the night before he had told me of all the things he would do in SWAT school and again a lump appeared in my throat. I became resolved at that point that his journey often involved danger or imagined danger...for God is always with him and he is always safe in His arms.

As I was doing some sewing, I decided to listen to some music. I had been introduced the same week to Pandora radio and thought I would give it a try while I sewed. I created a station for Laura Nyro. I love her voice and the style of music she sings. I was still sitting at my computer when the third song came on. It was Laura singing and it was a melody of a group of songs. In the title I saw the words, Ohhh Child, but had never heard Laura Nyro cover that song. But is there any doubt in your mind that soon I was listening to her sing that song.

Tears streamed from my eyes once again. My glasses fell into my lap and I held my face in my hands. All I can say is that God is good to me. So very, very good to me. Ask and it is given. Trust in God. Surrender all fear and Fear Not.

Many months have passed

So much time has gone by since my last posting and I think it is about time I head back to the blog.

What a wonderful spring and summer I was able to enjoy. Gardens blooming and sun shining. Blessings all around. So much life and plenty of Surrender.

Most of my time was taken up in preparing for and hosting a 50th birthday party for myself on August 8th. It was a grand time and loads of fun all the way around. I am Surrendered and thrilled with this new and wonderful half century mark to my life. I feel wise and content. It is a beautiful feeling. I feel no need to struggle or become anything new. I am ready to ride the waves of life with my oars completely out of the water, gliding and watching the beauty that abounds in each moment.

It feels that for the past 12 or so years, although I have certainly been living, that I have also struggled tremendously to acquire a state of mind that I saw as somewhere other than where I was. If I have learned anything from these so called "stories of struggle", I have learned this, all they are, are stories. Did I say how blessed I am? Blessed mostly because I have learned this bit about life.

I have also returned to another love of mine, which is cooking and started a blog about that. Now that the winter months are approaching fast and the gentle fires of the hearth warm me, I hope to spend a bit more time in the kitchen. Garden has been put to rest and my soul yearns for nice warm, comforting food to nourish my days and nights.

With a deep breath in, contentedness fills my body.

I am Surrendered.
I Surrender This.

Arms wide open in Surrender

SURRENDER

On Friday I was on an internet radio show called Synchronicity with Marie Benard.

Here is a link to the show; Lisa Speaking on Surrender

We spoke about how I came to Surrender and what it means as a women to Surrender. It is often hard for me to find my voice when speaking of Surrender. I know what it feels like and yet have a hard time putting that feeling into words. I admire people who can do that with something they are passionate about. I am working on it.

I recently found this wonderful little bit of insight on Surrender written by Shakti Gawain. It is all I know and believe and hope to live up to.

Shakti Gawain says that our life journey is "a process that flourishes in a spirit of acceptance, compassion and adventure." We might try on some new perspectives:

• Let go of our need to figure everything out.
  


• Let go of our need to control.
  


• Let go of our need to be right.
  


• Go with the flow.
  


• Detach and observe.
  


• Accept rather than resist.
  


• Take life and ourselves less seriously.
  


• Trust - ourselves and life. Have faith.
  


• Open and love and laugh more.
  

The more convoluted our thinking, the more we're trapped in our minds. The more we're trapped in our heads, the less present we are to reality. Life is really too much for the ego. And when life brings the ego to its knees in surrender, the intuitive heart can step forward. When we connect with our hearts, we discover a part of us that is all-knowing. A part of us we can learn to trust. So take heart! As we continue to grow in consciousness, we increasingly see the bigger picture of life. We see more and more evidence of a higher power, of universal laws at work. We do begin to see clearly. And we gain the security to let go.

The Green Donkey

I thought this story was worth posting again. I love you Karen!

This is the true story of what Deepak Chopra would call a "Whopper". Something so touched with the hand of God that it seems almost impossible to believe, and yet, there can be no doubt to those of us that are believers!

My best friend died on May 15, 2004 from breast cancer at the age of 45 after a 10 year battle with HER-2 Breast Cancer. We had spent 40 years weaving the fabric of our lives together in a dance that was just magical. Ours is a long story of love and friendship. It is hard to relay in a few words the significance of this miracle, but I will try.

We were both Transformational Healers, which is a form of energy healing …or laying on of hands. We work as conduits for God to work through us and ignite the healing that we all are capable of. She became interested in this because of her cancer and I was always searching for new spiritual avenues and she led me to it like a horse (donkey) to water. (Another whole whopper of a story!) Anyway.....

In the spring of 2002 Karen began having massive head aches and was feeling “"weird”". We were headed off for a little R & R weekend in New York state and having a grand time …just the two of us tooling around in the car. She became very serious at one point and told me she thought her chemotherapy may be causing these "weird" symptoms and she was struggling as to whether or not to go off the chemo and just let God work. I told her this was a HUGE decision and one not to be taken lightly. I am a big believer in asking God to give us a sign when we need an answer to an important question. Because this was a VERY important question, I told her she needed to ask for a sign that would be unquestionable. Something so “strange” that it could only be seen as a "sign" from God. I then said, "How about a green donkey"? She giggled and agreed that a green donkey would be the sign she needed to let God heal her rather than continue on the chemotherapy. The whole rest of the weekend we searched for a green donkey. We found yellow pigs and purple cows, red dogs and even a green horse...how we tried to rationalize that a horse is almost a donkey, but we knew it had to be a "Green Donkey". We spent the next afternoon in Woodstock, NY going through every store searching for her sign, but never found a green donkey.

A week later the headaches she was experiencing became much worse and she called her doctor and he scheduled an MRI . During this same week …her father passed away from Alzheimer’s. It was a heartbreak to her very close knit family but had been expected. On the morning of his funeral… she received a phone call from her oncologist that he had the results of her MRI and the cancer had spread to her brain, thus the headaches and "weird" feelings. She went through the whole day of her fathers funeral …and told no one except her husband what she had found out that morning. She had courage beyond human strength. She made it through brain surgery, massive radiation… and lived two more years. She passed on May 15, 2004 surrounded by her whole family.

What follows is what I said at her memorial service (which 700 people attended)...notice the part about the “green donkey” toward the end.

I have had the pleasure of knowing Karen for over 40 years and calling her one of my best and dearest friends. But I know I am just one of countless best friends that Karen had…there was something about her that just made you want to be close to her and know her better. It reminds me of the song by the Carpenters.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

To Karen’s family…she was a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a cousin…but for the vast majority of us here today….she was our friend. A friend of the truest sense…one that was there for each of us no matter what was going on in HER life. Remarkable, selfless, trustworthy, sincere, kind, compassionate, spiritual, beautiful are words that can only begin to describe Karen.

Besides being a friend…Karen was a teacher…she taught me more about strength and courage than I ever wanted to know. When my son deployed to Afghanistan in Oct, she came to me one day like an angel sent from the Lord…. She held me and cried with me and instilled in me the Power of Now and gave me strength that I did not know I had. If I can take one tenth of her strength and live the rest of my life than I will be happy.

I will miss her human presence more than I can even imagine at this time... her spirit while she was on this Earth was immeasurable. What I look forward to from this day forward is how she will guide, love, and watch over each of us in her new found strength in SPIRIT.

And so I say to you my dear Karen…Godspeed to you on this new journey you have undertaken. I know Daddy was holding your green donkey… and that now you know all the Divine Order that is so hard for us to understand here on Earth. I giggle at the thought of our next life together and I ask you Sister Karen to hold down the abbey until I get there.

When I returned home from her service, there was a message on my answering machine from my son Quinn, who was in Afghanistan, serving in the US Army. He had NEVER, EVER called during the week since his deployment in Oct. of 2003. This happened to be a Tuesday night. This in and of itself spoke volumes to me…. I was sad I had missed his call, but I knew he was OK and surely sending me some love from afar, even though he did not know of Karen's death yet (at least on the physical plane). Karen had given me extreme comfort about Quinn's deployment and the first thing she said to me whenever we spoke was, "How is Quinn doing?"

The phone rang again around 2:30 this same evening and again it was Quinn. What a joy to hear his voice. We spoke for about 20 minutes and during the conversation he mentioned that his best buddy had put new pictures up on a website of them in Afghanistan. I tucked this info into my mind to take a look the next day. I had only seen two photos of him since his deployment almost 7 months earlier.

The next morning I went with Karen's family to a private burial and then spent the rest of the day with her family. I arrived home around 4:00 and read some e-mails and then remembered I had to check out the pictures of Quinn. This is now 5 days since her passing. There was a folder named "the Month of May". I opened this and started looking for pictures of Quinn. There were around 20 new photos. Mid way down the page I noticed that one picture was titled "Donkey". In the small picture format it looked more like a green tree. I opened the picture to its full size and almost fell to the floor, for there sent from a war torn country by an American soldier was Karen's sign that she had been healed. Not on this Earth, but alas in heaven. It was a picture of a donkey with a bundle of GREEN branches tied around it. She knew that if she involved Quinn in getting this sign to me, that she would be successful. I would NEVER not look at these pictures. This is SO Karen.

Karen left behind 3 children, a husband, 4 siblings and her mom, besides the countless, countless people she touched while here. The news of this Green Donkey gave peace to her family and our community. I feel her presence with me always and thank her for her continued caring and love. I know she is still with us and just around the corner...so to speak.

Blessings to all that read this story and please pass this on as a sign of faith and healing for the world.

www.isurrenderthis.com





Lisa Sullivan

The time is now

This past weekend I was contacted by a man in South Africa whose passion is also to surrender. Surrender to M.A.D.E. M.A.D.E. is an acronym for Make A Difference Everyday.

We have had a couple of wonderful conversations and are determined to bring the blessing of surrender to the world. Carl's focus is on world peace and my focus is on inner peace. Inner peace leads to world peace and world peace leads to inner peace. There is no failing and peace WILL prevail of that I am sure.

I wonder how many others out there are passionate about the concept of surrender? What are your thoughts? How do you fulfill the need or want for inner peace? Do you need or want it at all?

I know for myself that inner peace is a quest I will always be manifesting.